Karma Kids (by Brendan)

It was a beautiful Saturday night in State College. The Penn State students crowd the downtown streets looking to unwind from a stressful week of classes and the air is filled with the sweet smell of greasy, artery clogging food. You would think that I would find myself enjoying this perfect night like so many others. However, you can find me in an Are U Hungry bathroom stuffing a bottle of Smirnoff strawberry vodka into the trashcan trying to dispose of the evidence of a night that never happened, as my friend Sean is trembling and dry heaving over the toilet. The look of distress is pouring over our faces. And the question racing through our minds is, what did we just drink?


            Shirt, check, pants, check, deodorant, double check. I’m all ready to go out to a flip cup tournament being held at an off campus house. I show up to the house with my two friends Ryan and Sean. We all head down to the crowded basement where the festivities are being held. I see a row of tables with a trophy and bracket set up in the corner. I’m feeling confident in my abilities and self given title, “One Flip Fitz.” However, to my surprise I was eliminated first round because my partner couldn’t grasp the baffling concept of when to take your turn. Nevertheless, I decided to drink away the pain of defeat and cheer on my friends. As time went by they where eventually eliminated and the tournament turned into a regular party. Our friend Ryan made friends quickly with his girl partner and left very abruptly leaving me and Sean to fend without him.

As the party went on the keg ran out of beer and Sean and I became very saddened because we didn’t want the night to end. Instead of giving up and leaving we decided to go on an adventure for more alcohol. We were like two fat kids at an all you can eat buffet, we needed more. We went to the kitchen and found some beer in the fridge. That seemed to satisfy us for only a little while. We then went downstairs to the dance floor and it was like a spotlight had shown in the corner of the room. My eyes glazed over at the sight of a shelf complete with full bottles of alcohol. I nudged Sean and he said, “I’m way ahead of you.” At this moment we weren’t thinking of what was right we were only thinking about enjoying this night. We danced our way over to the corner and Sean was my cover. I made sure no one was looking as I reached behind me and grabbed the first bottle I could and slid it down the back of my pants. The only problem now was the bulge coming out from my back making me look like the frat version of Quasimodo. So Sean got up behind me as we slowly walked for the door. Seeing Sean riding my ass prompted the girls at the door to ask if everything was alright, to which Sean responded, “he’s so drunk.” Then to make it convincing I blurted out, “ow ow, someone’s getting lucky tonight.” We had succeeded in our selfish crime. I transferred the bottle to Sean who put it down the front of his pants pressing against his special area causing him certain discomfort.

Furthermore, we developed a plan to go to Are U Hungry, get some sandwiches and sierra mist, and then mix our drinks in the bathroom. Then we giggled and pranced all the way to the White Loop bus stop. As we rode on the bus I could see Sean was really struggling holding the bottle secure. He kept squirming and cringing in distress. Then unexpectedly we saw Sean’s friend Nicky get on the bus and after we said hello she asked what Sean had under his sweatshirt. With a smiling grin Sean began to tell her of our successful larceny. She immediately asked, “haven’t you ever heard of karma?” She told us that stealing can come back to bite us in the ass but we both shrugged our shoulders and told her she was crazy. However, later we would find out that we would be eating our words or should I say drinking them.

As we arrived at Are U Hungry we were men on a mission. We put our food on the table and went into the bathroom with our drinks. Then we took out the bottle of Smirnoff strawberry vodka, poured it into our cups of sierra mist and sat back down at the table. The vodka was red in color and in our drunken state we thought it was a type of limited edition strawberry vodka. As we ate we realized the drinks tasted pretty diluted, so Sean went back into the bathroom to add more. Not even 10 seconds had passed till I heard Sean yell from the bathroom, “Fitz, get in here!” I turned to look at his face and it was as if he had just shit his pants. I walked into the bathroom and Sean points to the bottle and says, “What is this?” I look inside and what I saw made my jaw hit the floor. There was a cylindrical pink stained cotton based item floating inside, which seemed to be making the liquid red in color. Thoughts just began racing in my head. I thought what vile disgusting woman would ever even think of doing something so heinous. I grabbed the bottle from Sean and began yelling, “No! No! This is not happening.” I stuffed the bottle in the trash and told Sean we will never speak of this again. Cue Sean’s dry heaving and me washing my mouth out in the sink. We left there in anguish and disgust and with a dirty little secret. For the next two weeks thoughts of AIDS flourished in our heads, mostly as a joke but still uncertainty remained. Sean researched that symptoms were headaches and fatigue. This worried us because that whole week I felt excessively tired and Sean had constant headaches. However, we knew there was no chance in hell of that occurring. It wasn’t until much later that we realized what we stole was highlighter water. In which you take the stick inside a highlighter pen, submerge it in water, and turn on a black light behind it. This will make the water glow.

Moreover, just because we walked away unscathed didn’t mean we walked away from this with nothing. We knew Nicky was right from the start and we should have listened to her warning. I now believe in a thing called karma and that every action has consequences associated some good and some bad. Furthermore, I now have a greater understanding on how stealing can come back to haunt you in the end. There is nothing right about taking what others have worked hard for to satisfy your own selfish gain. Every action has a reaction so we have to use good judgment to determine if something is truly just. In other words, we have to be ready for the consequences of all our decisions. I think Sean and I are pretty certain that we’re retired from the burglar game. In addition, I believe were both more perceptive to anything foreign or unfamiliar to us.


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