Nails Should Not Be Green.


My nails at St. Patrick’s Day

I can’t deal with fingernails painted green.

Or blue.  Or black. Or any color besides something in the range of red, pink, or coral.   It’s not that I haven’t done it before.  I had green nails one St. Patrick’s Day when I was doing the fake nails thing.  I remember other gals saying they were cool – but I remember looking at them and thinking “huh?”

My nails were green and it felt wrong.  I see women and girls all the time with all kinds of funky-colored nails.  Light blue: to match your jeans?  Black nails: to match your snow boots?  Yellow nails: to match your tobacco-stained teeth?  It just doesn’t seem right.

When I was growing up, the black, blue, and green nailpolish was rolled out at Halloween!

But then I see somebody with red nails – and all seems right with the world.  So what’s my problem?  Fingernails should no more be ruby red than turquoise.  The color of natural nails is just, well, kinda skin-colored and white at the tips.  There’s nothing fushia about them.

Then it came to me.  It’s all Avon’s fault.

When I was growing up and impressionable I’d see the Avon catalogs that featured all the nail colors – and they matched the LIP colors!  That’s it!  Your nails are supposed to match your lips!  So, unless you have some type of lip fungus, you should not have green nails.  This also explains why nails should never be blue or black.  Who has blue lips (very cold)?  Who has black lips (witch)?

The Avon catalog was a beautiful rainbow of reds, pinks and corals. And the lipsticks and nail polishes had wonderful names like Passionate Posey, Buxom Blush, and Salivating Scarlet.  And I’m sure I looked terrible in all of them.  They sounded great, but I live in the real world – the lipsticks either spent most of their time on my teeth or made my teeth look yellow.  Most of my lipsticks ended up in the cosmetic graveyard under my sink.  I’ll just stick with my $1 gloss from Dollar Tree.

The nail polish colors – same thing.  My nails are only one length for about four minutes, then they break, one-by-one.  Then the polish just chips off during the fifth minute.  So why bother.  These days I just go au naturel.

I’m glad I figured this out.


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