Hands Up!

Yesterday morning I woke up to a text from a girlfriend with a selfie that said “This is why it’s important my man be taller than I am.” It was a cute pic of her making a smoochy face, but I wondered why she’d sent it.

Then I saw it. The pic she took first. The view from down under. The picture she wouldn’t let me post here. I don’t know if I can express to you how much joy the laughter brought. Kinda the way you laugh at somebody who just fell up some steps. Every female friend on the thread woke up to the best laugh of the day. So, like good friends, we joined in by adding similar selfies to the thread. None of them flattering. Blackmail worthy in fact. I have been forbidden from sharing most of them, in fact.

The selfies brought to mind lots of thoughts.  First – my kids taunting me about my lack of selfie-skill. I always took them from down under. And the results were always disastrous. How was I to know you don’t want to see into my sinuses, the chicken skin on my neck, the gobbler on my chin, or my jowls in general?  My kids taught me that I must, under all circumstances, raise my hand above my head when selfie-ing. That’s a lot to remember.

Here’s another thought: My sweetie is a nerd, so he sent me a journal article about how men and women use pics in different ways. We ladies put ourselves in a lower position in the pic to look young and dewey. Dudes post pics where they are in a higher position so they look like the big banana. To sum it up, ladies take pics from overhead to look like hotties and men take pics from down under to show they are the powerful commander of their nose hair. Got it.

Final thought: I work as an on-air personality and just reported that for online dating profiles, selfies pale in comparison to candids. In pictures, women should look off-camera and smile. Men should look into the camera but shouldn’t show any teeth. Sporty pics; good. Posing in sunglasses; bad. Going potty in private; good. Bathroom selfie; bad. That’s a lot to remember.

Enjoy these pics. They are me, my friend Sarah, and my daughter Glynn. This story is dedicated to Katherine….the one who texted that pic yesterday.




4 thoughts on “Hands Up!

  1. What a hoot! It certainly was great entertainment. Made me think but not as brave as you lot! Selfies are an art and I definitely have not mastered the pose.
    All in good fun and enjoyable read. Well written.

  2. A couple of years ago, when I had grown tired of the way my hairdresser was cutting my hair, I asked around for someone really good. I was referred to Donal, a Thai fellow who was, reportedly, THE hairdresser’s hairdresser. I called his salon in the city, made an appointment and was told my haircut would be $80. (gulp!) When I arrived, there were three ladies working there and Donald, who was chatting away while he cut a very important-looking young man’s hair. I was escorted to a wash basin, shampooed by one of the ladies, and seated in Donald’s chair. I was sure this experience would turn my life around. He stood behind me, sort of played with my hair while looking in the mirror, then said, “I’m just going to “level out” your cut. DO NOT come back for 6 months. That’s how long it will take for your hair to grow long enough for me to style in such way that will camouflage your turkey neck.” I was so stunned that I just sat there and let him take about 6 snip snips. He then pronounced my haircut complete and showed me to the desk where I would pay. The lady (who I later learned is his wife), handed me my bill and it was for $120. I said, “But I was quoted $80 when I made the appointment.” She sweetly replied, ” Donald is an artist, the $80 would have been if I had cut your hair.” At She then said, “If you don’t pay, we will lock the door and call the police and have you arrested.” So … I paid the $120 and walked out with my turkey neck, no doubt, wobbling all the way to my car. Oh, one more thing, I have occasion to drive by that salon on a fairly regular basis and I do flip them off every time.

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